It’s the holiday time of the year. Unfortunately, if your husband, wife, son, daughter, mother or father died in an accident or wreck, you face unique difficulties that most other people are lucky not to experience. The Thanksgiving holiday was hardly bearable and now your face Christmas and New Year’s Day. First, let me say that I am sorry for your loss. Unless someone has experienced what it is like to lose a loved one, he does not really understand.
Today, I want to address practical aspects about grief. In a later posts, I will cover legal aspects of wrongful death. (I cover both legal and practical aspects of wrongful death in my book “The Seven Deadly Sins That Can Wreck Your Alabama Injury Claim” which your can order free by clicking here to go to the order page.)
Unfortunately, you cannot “think” your way out of grief. If you had not loved the person who died, you would not now have the pain and other symptoms that you are experiencing. You may have talked to your loved one shortly before they were killed. You did not have time to say your good-byes. So, it is different than a loss where there was a long illness. In fact the last thing that entered your mind was that they were going to die the day they died or were killed in the accident or wreck. You may have noticed that at first you did pretty well with the funeral and trying to cope with the shock of the loss. Since then, you likely are finding it harder to cope. You may be experiencing sleeplessness. Many people wake up around 2:00 A.M. and are up all night until just about time to get up in the morning. You may think you are losing your mind. You cannot concentrate. Everything takes eight times as long as it used to take. You cannot remember things. You seem to lose keys, papers, you name it, … everything. You might experience panic. You are not losing your mind, you are experiencing grief. If you are a man, you may find yourself suddenly crying. Yes, it’s embarrassing. It’s also true that it happens to a lot of men. (Your friends and family by the way will say the stupidest things trying to make you feel better. Try to remember that they are well meaning.)
Grief does not take a holiday. Grief is not something you can deal with simply by using your mental will or pretending it does not exist. Remember that oil filter commercial, “You can pay me now or pay me later, but you will pay?” That’s true about grief.
Give serious consideration to going to grief support. Most people make the mistake of trying to tough it out on their own. The problem is that if you do that, you will never come to terms with your grief. There are many fine programs concerning grief at churches and in the community. Community Grief Support Service, ph. (205) 870-8667, in Birmingham offers both free counseling by professional counselors and grief support groups. You will find them very helpful. They can help you identify the road signs along the way in trying to rebuild your life and help you anticipate issues that life did not prepare you for prior to losing your loved one.
Please remember that you are not alone. What you are experiencing is “normal” in these terrible circumstances. You may be thinking you are doing pretty well uner the circumstances. Two analogies may help you understand. A car engine works better when all of the cylinders are firing. Your mechanic has been down the road before and knows the shortcuts for getting your car running so that it’s not running so rough. A gas water heater may have the pilot light burning, but water heats much better when the burner comes on to heat the water tank. One step you should consider is grief support. They have been down the road that you did not know even existed. You should consider utilizing their expertise so that you will recognize the road signs and not be headed to Mobile when you need to be heading toward Huntsville.
Attending a grief support group is not attending a “pity party.” Practical experience and advice is shared that help you. Everyone grieves alone. Your grief is not the same as mine. However, you do not have be alone as you grieve. Take the hard step and seriously consider going to grief support.
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